“Art” found on various websites
Hello fellow gamers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time to cringe, as we look at some horrible cover art. Now, let the crapfest begin!
- Dudes With Attitude for the NES (1990)
Dudes With Attitude was a piss poor action/adventure game for the NES. The object of the game is to use the “dudes” to collect colored gems and avoid the evil Gumsplats. Unfortunately the game had horrible controls and graphics. The cover doesn’t do anything to numb the pain, and is in fact, scary as hell! The art depicts 3 sentient balls surrounding a treasure chest. The leftmost figure is a blue female with black shades and a pucker mouth. The rightmost image is a yellow male with spiky hair, and a “shit eating” grin. The middlemost image is the fugliest of them all, and depicts a red male ball with an eyepatch, mustache, and demonic grin. This is completely unsettling, and causes the viewer to stay away from this abomination. (Come on, artists! You can do bettter than this!)
- Final Zone II for the Turbo Grafx 16 (1990)
Final Zone II is a wonderfully fun shooter that’s quite similar to Ikari Warriors. If you have watched the Happy Console Gamer, there are chances that you have heard of this game. Two covers were made, one for Japan, and one for North America. The Japanese one is very cool, and portrays the main characters in an Anime style. The North American cover, other the other hand, is a giant pile of vomit! The artist must have been hitting the crack pipe pretty hard when he birthed this monstrosity! The character’s proportions are completely askew, and the faces look like grotesque bobble heads. The robot suits are morbidly obese, and the weapons look like construction equipment! Tell me what you think of this shitshow in the comments’ section below.
STRONG PROFANITY WARNING!!
Art found on various websites
Hello fellow gamers! It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to cringe profusely at some horrible video game cover art. Now, lets begin this adventure into the detritus of the video game world!
- Fester’s Quest for the NES (1989) Genre: Adventure/Run and Gun
If you have been watching the Angry Video Game Nerd for as long as I have, you have probably seen his review for this game. According to James Rolfe; “This game is ass”! It’s a run and gun adventure game that stars Uncle Fester from the Addam’s Family. Unfortunately, the cover doesn’t do anything to ease the pain! It depicts the titular Fester as a bald, Curly Howard-looking, buffoon with incredibly red lips. He almost gives off the vibe of a pedophile with the strange sneer. There’s also a single spider hanging down from his head. If I can give the artwork any praise, I’d say that the mansion in the distance actually looks pretty good. The piece all together just rubs me the wrong way, and I don’t know if the creator was aiming for this or not. Tell me what you think of this “masterpiece” in the comments’ section below.
- Bust-A-Move Arcade 2 Edition for the Playstation (1995) Genre: Puzzle
I have already discussed one of the crazy covers before in an earlier post, but this one is just Fucked Up! As I said before, Bust-A-Move is an incredibly addicting puzzle game starring the dragons Bub and Bob of Bubble Bobble fame. The game had very cute graphics and exhilarating gameplay. Then we get to the cover, and all I can say is, WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!!! We have an image that wouldn’t look out of place in a Clockwork Orange! The cover has various bubbles with screaming faces inside. Their eyes are pried open with toothpicks, and they appear to be in great distress. I especially “adore” the tagline; “SO ADDICTIVE…IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL”! It’s crazy, because this is a rated “E” game! I’m going to show the cover, but be warned, it’s really unsettling! Tell me what you think of it in the comments’ section below.
STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD!
Art found on various websites
Hello fellow gamers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time to cringe as we look at some more horrible art. Now, let the cringefest begin!
- The Legend Of The Mystical Ninja for the Super Nintendo (1991)
This was a great action-adventure game starring Goemon. The music and Japanese art style is wonderful to look at. Unfortunately, this can’t be said about the cover art! This cover seems pretty racist towards Japanese people, and is in extremely poor taste. Goemon’s blue hair is depicted as black, and his eyes are slanted. Then we get to his slanted, caterpillar-like eyebrows and our fury starts to rise. He’s riding a tiger that looks completely out of place in the game, and he’s being attack by a screwed up amalgamation of characters. These include; fireballs with crossed out eyes, a samurai with duck lips, a crazed monkey, and a demonic baby’s ring toy. The artist must have been hitting the Meth pretty hard to come up with this racist pile of goat shit!
- Freestyle Metal X for the Playstation 2
This was a dirt-bike racing game with an awesome Metal soundtrack. Unfortunately the covers of the game were the stuff of nightmares! The Playstation 2 cover features a screaming biker with an abnormally large mouth. It’s so big, that multiple versions of itself are placed inside it. This creates a bizarre, yet awesome tunnel. I can’t really tell if I like or dislike the cover, but I’ll tell you one thing, it’s going to be in your nightmares for the next few weeks!
Covers found on various websites
Hello fellow gamers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time to laugh and cringe at some more terrible game covers. Now, let’s begin! Be warned! Strong Profanity Ahead!
- Megaman (1987): The original Megaman, the game that got me into this incredible franchise. I absolutely adore this game in nearly every way. The gameplay is fluid the weapons are super creative, and the music is mind blowing. Everything could have been great, if the American cover artist didn’t create a steaming pile of dog shit! I’m gonna be real with you guys for a second, this cover infuriates me! The love and passion that went into making one of the most iconic video game characters, is nowhere to be found on the cover. The Japanese cover is great, and definitely portrays the overall fun of the game. The art looks like it was vomited up by a drunken Science Fiction writer! There’s blurry buildings, and a random explosion in the background. Then we get to the “Blue Bomber” himself. Oh god! He’s wearing a nauseating blue and yellow jumpsuit that appears to be inflated. He has crossed brown eyes and a freaking unibrow! Then the viewers get a final punch in the face when the see his weapon. Instead of the iconic Mega Buster, he’s carrying a goddamn gun! I hope people can look past this artistic pile of puke, and adore this amazing game for what it is.
Oh This Hurts My Eyes!
- Bust-A-Move Millennium for the Game Boy Color: Good old Bust-A Move! This is an iconic bubble popping game at arcades that star the characters of Bubble Bobble. The series is known of have incredibly bizarre cover art, ranging from babies blowing bubbles, to sadistic Ludovico-esque torture devices. This cover, in particular, looks like it was made in 30 minutes! Instead of the cute and snuggly bubble-popping dragons, we are subjected to the freak baby of Bowser and Reptile! He has one giant eye and a strangely placed fang. If the artist was going for a cute character, they failed miserably!
Info Found In Various Pokedexes
Hello everyone, and welcome to another dose of randomness! This week, I will be covering some new pokedex entries. The world of Pokemon is a lot darker that one might think, and seems to push the boundaries of the “E” rated franchise. Be warned, some of these entries are very disturbing, so read at your own risk!
- *Snap* Bewear Pokemon Moon Pokedex Entry: This Pokemon has the habit of hugging its companions. Many Trainers have left this world after their spines have been squashed by its hug. O_O The hug was too much to bear!
- Coral Killer! Toxapex Pokemon Sun Pokedex Entry: Toxapex crawls along the ocean floor on its 12 legs. It leaves a trail of Corsola bits scattered in its wake. (Circle of life?!)
Hello fellow mixologists! It’s Thursday, and my Brewery is open once again! I hope you guys are ready for some interesting drinks. Now, grab a shot glass, and let’s start mixing!
- Loveless (Final Fantasy VII cocktail) Drink created by Arkain
- 1 oz. Pama Pomegranate Liqueur
- 2 oz. Dekuyper Razzmatazz
- 4 oz. Simply Lemonade with Raspberry
- 5 oz. Jones Soda, Fufu Berry flavor
- 1/2 oz. Grenadine
- 1 Lemon Wheel
Directions: Pour the ingredients in order in a tall glass over ice. Give it a stir and garnish with a lemon wheel. It may not be the Gift of the Goddess, but it is a nice way to cool off after a long day.
- Promethean (Halo 4 cocktail) Drink created by Clint Slowik
- 1 part Jager
- 1 part Gin
- Orange Mio
Directions: Add the Jager to a shot glass, then float the gin on top. Squeeze a liberal portion of Orange Mio flavoring in to finish.
Hello fellow mixologists! It’s Thursday, and my Brewery is open once again! I hope you guys are ready for some interesting and awesome drinks. Now, grab a shot glass, and let’s start mixing!
- Spider-Man (Spider-Man shot) (drink created by Aggressive Comix
- 1/3 shot Grenadine
- 1/3 shot Blue Curacao
- 1/3 shot Vodka
Directions: In a shot glass, add vodka, and grenadine, then layer in the Blue Curacao.
- Spoon! The Tick Blueberry Lemonade (The Tick cocktail) (drink created by the Insatiable Geek)
- 12 oz. bottle of Jones Soda Berry Lemonade
- 1 oz. Blueberry liqueur
- 1 oz. Vodka
- 1 Blue Twizzler
Directions: Slice the Twizzler in half and cut a notch in each piece to easily attach to your glass. Pour in the alcohol and top with Jones Soda. Don’t forget the SPOON!