The Crappiest Video Game Cover Art (Every Other Wednesday)

“Art” found on various websites

Hello fellow gamers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means!  Yes, it’s time to cringe, as we look at some horrible cover art. Now, let the crapfest begin!

• Dudes With Attitude for the NES (1990) 

Dudes With Attitude was a piss poor action/adventure game for the NES. The object of the game is to use the “dudes” to collect colored gems and avoid the evil Gumsplats. Unfortunately the game had horrible controls and graphics. The cover doesn’t do anything to numb the pain, and is in fact, scary as hell! The art depicts 3 sentient balls surrounding a treasure chest. The leftmost figure is a blue female with black shades and a pucker mouth. The rightmost image is a yellow male with spiky hair, and a “shit eating” grin. The middlemost image is the fugliest of them all, and depicts a red male ball with an eyepatch, mustache, and demonic grin. This is completely unsettling, and causes the viewer to stay away from this abomination. (Come on, artists! You can do bettter than this!)

 

 

• Final Zone II for the Turbo Grafx 16 (1990)

Final Zone II is a wonderfully fun shooter that’s quite similar to Ikari Warriors. If you have watched the Happy Console Gamer, there are chances that you have heard of this game. Two covers were made, one for Japan, and one for North America. The Japanese one is very cool, and portrays the main characters in an Anime style. The North American cover, other the other hand, is a giant pile of vomit! The artist must have been hitting the crack pipe pretty hard when he birthed this monstrosity! The character’s proportions are completely askew, and the faces look like grotesque bobble heads. The robot suits are morbidly obese, and the weapons look like construction equipment! Tell me what you think of this shitshow in the comments’ section below.

 

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More Crappy Video Game Cover Art (Every Other Tuesday)

STRONG PROFANITY WARNING!!

Art found on various websites

Hello fellow gamers! It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to cringe profusely at some horrible video game cover art. Now, lets begin this adventure into the detritus of the video game world!

• Fester’s Quest for the NES (1989) Genre: Adventure/Run and Gun

If you have been watching the Angry Video Game Nerd for as long as I have, you have probably seen his review for this game. According to James Rolfe; “This game is ass”! It’s a run and gun adventure game that stars Uncle Fester from the Addam’s Family. Unfortunately, the cover doesn’t do anything to ease the pain! It depicts the titular Fester as a bald, Curly Howard-looking, buffoon with incredibly red lips. He almost gives off the vibe of a pedophile with the strange sneer. There’s also a single spider hanging down from his head. If I can give the artwork any praise, I’d say that the mansion in the distance actually looks pretty good. The piece all together just rubs me the wrong way, and I don’t know if the creator was aiming for this or not. Tell me what you think of this “masterpiece” in the comments’ section below.

 

 

• Bust-A-Move Arcade 2 Edition for the Playstation (1995) Genre: Puzzle

I have already discussed one of the crazy covers before in an earlier post, but this one is just Fucked Up! As I said before, Bust-A-Move is an incredibly addicting puzzle game starring the dragons Bub and Bob of Bubble Bobble fame. The game had very cute graphics and exhilarating gameplay. Then we get to the cover, and all I can say is, WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!!! We have an image that wouldn’t look out of place in a Clockwork Orange! The cover has various bubbles with screaming faces inside. Their eyes are pried open with toothpicks, and they appear to be in great distress. I especially “adore” the tagline; “SO ADDICTIVE…IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL”! It’s crazy, because this is a rated “E” game! I’m going to show the cover, but be warned, it’s really unsettling! Tell me what you think of it in the comments’ section below.

  

Strange Animals And Plants (Every Other Tuesday)

Info on plants and animals found on various websites and books

Hello fellow nature lovers! It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some more fascinating creatures. Now, let’s start exploring!

• Betel Palm (Areca catechu) Size: Up to 66ft Habitat: Asia and Africa

The Betel Palm is a unique palm tree that bares orange and scarlet fruit called betel nuts. They are usually wrapped around betel leaves to create a dish called Paan. The nuts can be chewed, and are said to taste like pepper. The nut produces a small stimulant, which is similar to drinking a cup of coffee. Chewing the nut is incredibly addictive, and can be used as a mouthwash. Unfortunately, scientists have linked frequent usage of the nut to oral cancers and some gastrointestinal problems. It also stains the lips red, and produces an abundance of red saliva.

• Liopleurodon When It Lived: 160 Million Years Ago Carnivore Size: Up to 33ft Habitat: Water 

The liopleurodon was a gigantic species of plesiosaur that lived in the middle of the Jurassic period. It had four paddle-like limbs, and the skull the size of a 6 foot man. It had a protruded snout with rows of ultra sharp teeth. The dinosaur was an aggressive hunter, and could detect sense like a shark. Unfortunately, its massive body would collapse if it stayed out of water.

  

 

More Hilariously Bad Video Game Cover Art (Every Other Wednesday)

Covers found on various websites

Hello fellow gamers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time to laugh and cringe at some more terrible game covers. Now, let’s begin! Be warned! Strong Profanity Ahead!

• Megaman (1987): The original Megaman, the game that got me into this incredible franchise. I absolutely adore this game in nearly every way. The gameplay is fluid the weapons are super creative, and the music is mind blowing. Everything could have been great, if the American cover artist didn’t create a steaming pile of dog shit! I’m gonna be real with you guys for a second, this cover infuriates me! The love and passion that went into making one of the most iconic video game characters, is nowhere to be found on the cover. The Japanese cover is great, and definitely portrays the overall fun of the game. The art looks like it was vomited up by a drunken Science Fiction writer! There’s blurry buildings, and a random explosion in the background. Then we get to the “Blue Bomber” himself. Oh god! He’s wearing a nauseating blue and yellow jumpsuit that appears to be inflated. He has crossed brown eyes and a freaking unibrow! Then the viewers get a final punch in the face when the see his weapon. Instead of the iconic Mega Buster, he’s carrying a goddamn gun! I hope people can look past this artistic pile of puke, and adore this amazing game for what it is.

       Oh This Hurts My Eyes!

• Bust-A-Move Millennium for the Game Boy Color: Good old Bust-A Move! This is an iconic bubble popping game at arcades that star the characters of Bubble Bobble. The series is known of have incredibly bizarre cover art, ranging from babies blowing bubbles, to sadistic Ludovico-esque torture devices. This cover, in particular, looks like it was made in 30 minutes! Instead of the cute and snuggly bubble-popping dragons, we are subjected to the freak baby of Bowser and Reptile! He has one giant eye and a strangely placed fang. If the artist was going for a cute character, they failed miserably!

  

Asher’s Book Reviews (One Every Month)

Quotes and information from The Disaster Artist by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell

Hello fellow book lovers! It’s time to start a new post! Each month, I will be reviewing a different book. I will give a detailed summary of the book, as well as some spoilers. Now, grab your favorite novel, and let’s begin!

The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room The Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made by Greg Sestero & Tom Bissell Genre: Non-Fiction 288 pgs.

The Disaster Artist is a biography of Greg Sestero, an actor who starred in one of the biggest messterpieces of all time. The book starts with Greg as a kid, and then gradually moves throughout his life. For those not in the know, The Room is considered by many to be the “Citizen Kane of bad movies”. The film was created by the extremely bizarre Tommy Wiseau. Greg meets Tommy in Jean Shelton’s acting class, where he horribly butchers Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 116”. Greg immediately wants to do a scene with him, and the rest is history! We learn of his strange mannerisms early within the book. He would always order a glass of hot water at every restaurant, and seems to have a unhinged grasp on English. His origin and accent remain a mystery even today, as well as his seemingly endless supply of money. Greg describes him as “short and muscular with a lumpy, white, face, a snow -shovel jaw, and impossibly black hair”. The book is a treat to read, because you never know what kind of crazy ideas emerge from Tommy’s head. It’s also quite fascinating to learn about Greg’s personal life, and time as an actor in The Room. There are many incredibly funny scenes in the book, and I don’t want to spoil all of them. My personal favorite is Tommy’s first day of filming. Greg goes to pick him up, and he ends up being 5 hours late to his first production day. His excuse? He had to re-dye his hair! The movie cost Tommy $6 Million, and he purchased all of his equipment instead of renting it! The final product started as a complete flop, but due to Tommy’s shady guerrilla marketing, it became a massive cult hit. I learned about it from the Nostalgia Critic’s review, and then I kept going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Having seen it, I can definitely see why this move is so well loved by fans. The film is still shown every month at the Landmark Theatre in LA. People throw plastic spoons at the screen and quote lines from the film. In conclusion, The Disaster Artist is a giant joyride with hilarious twists and turns around every corner. I give the book a 5 out of 5. I highly recommend the book, and the audiobook is even better, with Greg’s amazing Tommy impression. I’m also really looking forward to James Franco’s film version of The Disaster Artist, so be sure to look out for a review in December!

 

Below is the link to the trailer for the Disaster Artist

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiv2fmAwO7VAhUnjFQKHezxB5IQyCkIKjAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D4qab3TMg42k&usg=AFQjCNGSnLUQFD7D0mnF7NIcjmROdJFGpg

Hall Of Shame: The Weirdest Comic Book Characters (Every Other Tuesday)

All characters found in various DC and Marvel Encyclopedias, and on comicvine.gamespot.com

Hello fellow comic book lovers! It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to go into the bizarre world of comic book characters. Now, grab your favorite graphic novel, and let’s begin!

• Mammoth Real Name: Baran Flinders Status: Villain First Appeared: The New Teen Titans #3 (Jan. 1981) Powers/Abilities: Superhuman strength, durability, and endurance; prone to fits of rage due to state of emotional underdevelopment.

Baran was born in Australia along with his sister, Selinda. He was bullied at school until his metahuman abilities developed. The renowned Dr. Helga taught the siblings how to control their powers. From there, Baran became a criminal, and frequent foe of the Teen Titans. Unfortunately, Mammoth is quite dumb, and usually relies on his bulk instead of any real tactics.   

• Orb Real Name: Drake Shannon Status: Villain First Appeared: Marvel Team-Up I #15 (1973) Powers/ Abilities: Helmet can cast hypnotic spells and fire energy blasts. Customized stunt motorcycles.

Drake was an amazing stunt motorcyclist that teamed up with Crash Simpson. Due to a freak accident Shannon’s face ended up becoming horribly disfigured. Infuriated  and out for revenge, he met with a shadowy organization called Those Who Wield Power. The organization gave Drake an eyeball-shaped helmet with supernatural powers. He eventually met his end when he was “killed” by a runaway train.

 

More Fascinating Sea Creatures (Every Other Tuesday)

Sea Creatures found in DK’s Ocean The Definitive Visual Guide

Hello fellow Marine Biologists! It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some more sea creatures. Now, let’s go for a dive!

• Stinging Hydroid (Aglaophenia cupressina) Length: Up to 16 in  Depths Found In: 10-100 ft in coral reefs 

The Stinging Hydroid is a nasty little creature that’s found in coral reefs. As the name suggests, it packs quite a punch. It can disguise itself as a fern, and captures small planktonic animals. Humans who are stung will develop a week-long itchy rash.

• Eyelight Fish (Photoblepharon palpebratum) Length: 5 in Depths Found: 23-82 ft

The Eyelight Fish is a tiny sea creature with a large bioluminescent receptor. It is located under each eye, and emits a blue-green light. The light both startles predators, and helps this fish find food.