More Crappy Book Covers

Hello fellow Book Lovers! It’s time for some more crappy covers. I hope you guys are ready to cringe and laugh! Now, let’s begin!

• Griddle Creek: Fool’s Gold (Book 2) by M. Malenga Released: October 12th, 2017 Genres: Children’s Humor, Comic Book Pages: 32 Quick Summary: A typical museum heist story with quirky humor. 

I know this is supposed to be a kid’s book, but this art is completely unacceptable! It  seems like the artist just searched on Google Images for a picture of a diamond, and placed it on a black and grey background. If you are going to create a comic book, at least make the front cover appealing.

 

• Facemate by Steven M. Greenberg Released: July 10th, 2019 Genre: Fiction Quick Summary: An Autistic boy discovers a futuristic dating site, and acquires unimaginable power. 386 pages 

What we have here is missed potential. The plot of this book seems really neat, and is definitely a unique concept. Unfortunately, the front cover makes it fall flat on its face. What we have is 4 “people” that are 3D nightmares. The graphics are extremely unsettling, and seem to delve into the “Uncanny Valley”.

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Strange Urban Dictionary Entries

Warning! This post can be extremely NSFW for some people. Read at your own risk!

Hello fellow literally fanatics! It’s time to get scandalous with a new Urban Dictionary post. I hope you guys are ready for some truly shocking entries. Now, let’s begin!

• Munter:  Noun: An ugly woman. (British Slang) That is one fat munter!
• Kontol: Indonesian synonym for Penis.
• Assclown: Noun: A person who doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
• Fun Bags: (Slang for a women’s breasts).
• VPILF: Vice President I’d Like to Fuck
• Droo: Another word for dope, weed, hash etc.
• Pipa: A glass pipe for smoking Crystal Meth.
• CID: Caffeine induced dump.
• Malta Goya: A substance so terrible that its creators should be murdered, or worse, forced to drink it themselves.
• Halitosis: When your mouth and asshole smell the same.

 

Asher’s Cult Film Watchlist Part 2

Hello fellow Cult Film Fans! It’s time for another film-based post! A couple of months ago, I discussed some Cult Films that I would like to see. I had a ton of fun doing that post, so I decided to make a second part to it. I’d love to hear some suggestions from you guys, so be sure to leave some in the comments’ section below. Now, let’s begin!

• The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension Release Date: August 10th 1984 Rated: PG Runtime: 1h 43 min Genres: Comedy, Adventure, Romance Directed by: W.D. Richter Written by: Earl Mac Rauch Produced by: Sidney Beckerman Starring: John Lithgow, Peter Weller, Christopher Lloyd, Ellen Barkin, and Jeff Goldblum  

Short Summary: This film, aside from its incredibly long name, is a pure 80’s Sci-Fi satire. The movies tells the story of Buckaroo Banzai (Peter Weller), a mad scientist/Neurosurgeon/Rock Star and his equally unique teammates. When an alien race from the 8th Dimension threatens to conquer Earth, Banzai and his friends must suit up for battle in order to save the world from total destruction. The script is chalk full of hilarious dialogue and unpredictability. This alone makes this film right up my alley. Also, it has an all star cast, and it’s always enjoyable to see Goldblum chew the scenery. I will definitely seek this movie out if I can find it. 

 

• Pan’s Labyrinth Release Date: January 19th, 2007 (In USA) (2006) internationally Rated: R for language and graphic violence. Genres: War, Drama, Fantasy Directed/Written by: Guillermo del Toro  Starring: Sergi Lopez, Ivana Baquero, Maribel Verdu, and Doug Jones Runtime: 1h 58 min Language: Spanish  

Short Summary: Pan’s Labyrinth is a terrifying and beautiful film by one of the godfathers of Horror, Guillermo del Toro. The film takes place in Spain during World War II and tells the story of Ophelia (Baquero), a young girl who lives in the midst of the battle with her pregnant Mother and ruthless Stepfather. Ophelia loves fairy tales, and runs into a fairy, and this is where her adventure begins. The creatures believe her to be a princess, and have information about her estranged Father. She’s asked to complete three horrific tasks, and if she even fails one, she’ll never see her Father again. This film immediately intrigued me upon seeing some of the grotesquely beautiful characters. I have yet to watch a del Toro film, and I believe that this one might be my gateway drug into his incredibly unique stories. Expect a HUGE review after I see this film.

 

More Awesome TV Tropes

Hello fellow Pop-culture enthusiasts! It’s time for another TV Tropes post! I hope you guys are ready for some awesome references. Now, let’s begin!

• The Fake Cutie: A deception trope that used in many forms of media, often in video games. It occurs when an overly childish female character suddenly switches personalities, and becomes a badass that terrifies even the most fearsome of foes. Some examples of this include; B.B Hood from the Darkstalkers video games. She appears as a Little Red Ridding Hood character with a wooden basket and the standard red outfit. This, however, is a massive farce, and her true colors come out in combat. She develops a slasher smile and packs enough heat in her skirt to make Arnold Schwarzenegger blush. Next, we have Flowey from Undertale. Flowey is the main antagonist of the pacifist mode. He masquerades as an innocent flower, however those who don’t what their backs will see his true personality come through. He’s actually a demonic entity with a sadistic view on life. Lastly, we have Gogo Yubari from Kill Bill. She originally appears as a standard 17-year-old Japanese school girl. This, as usual, is a disguise for her true persona, an absolutely insanely savage fighter with a giant meteor hammer.

 Gogo from Kill Bill.

 

• Lethal Chef: Another common and often comedic trope found in all forms of media. It occurs when someone is so bad at cooking, that upon consumption their food can cause a variety of bizarre effects. These effects include; vomiting, change in color, breathing fire, falling unconscious, or death. Some well known Lethal Chefs are; Mizuki Himeji from Baka and Test: Summon the Beasts. This incredibly cute female protagonist cooks food that looks absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, upon consuming it, you are subjected to hallucinations of death. Next, we have Linguini from Ratatouille. Before he met the amazing blue rat, he made a soup that was so bad, he puked upon consuming it. Lastly, we have  Chie Satonaka and Yukiko Amagi from Persona 4. During the camp section of the game, the two High School girls decide to make curry. Unfortunately, they aren’t the best chefs, and the ending result, referred to as “Mystery Food X”, causes the protagonist to immediately spit it out, and fall unconscious.

Mizuki’s “delicious food”.

Strange Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards

Hello fellow Duelists! It’s time for another card post! This time, we’ll be covering some of the strangest cards in Yu-Gi-Oh. Now, let’s Duel!

• Boar Solider Type: Beast-Warrior/Effect 4 Stars Attribute: Earth Appearance: A boar warrior with a giant hammer. ATK/ 2000 DEF/ 500 Effect: If this card is Normal Summoned, destroy this card. If your opponent controls 1 or more monsters, decrease the ATK of this card by 1000 points. 

At first glance, minus the effect, this looks like a pretty formidable monster. Unfortunately, its effect makes it nearly unplayable. It does have synergies with Skill Drain, but you’re just wasting resources to keep this pathetic creature alive. 

 

• Savage Colosseum Type: Field Spell Appearance: An ominous arena with skull-shaped sky. Effect: If a monster attacks, at the end of the Damage Step: Its controller gains 300 LP. All monsters must attack, if able. During each End Phase: Destroy all face-up Attack Position monsters the turn player controls, that did not declare an attack.

This is a super fun and strange Field Spell that makes both players play very aggressively. The small LP gain is not where this card shines. The forced attacking of monsters is quite insane, and both players have many opportunities to trap their opponents. 

 

 

More Mythical Creatures From Around The World (Every Other Wednesday)

Hello everyone, and welcome to another mythical post. Today, we will be exploring the world for some awesome creatures. Now, let’s begin!

• Aqrabuamelu are extremely dangerous creatures of Babylonian mythology. They’re depicted as man-scorpion hybrids. These creatures guard the Shamash gates, which serve as an entrance to the land of darkness. They try to warn travelers from reaching the entrance, and their gaze causes death.

 

• The Typhon is a severely formidable creature of Greek folklore. It’s depicted as a massive serpentine horror with multiple heads and fire breathing capabilities. It also has wings, and vicious temper. 

Even More Crappy Book Covers (Every Other Tuesday)

Hello fellow book lovers! It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some more crappy covers. Now, let the cringefest begin!

• A Gift Garden by: Nathan & Arthur Culbert Illustrated by: N. Jane Quackenbush Genre: Kid’s Fiction Pages: 168 Release date: November 28th, 2018 Quick Summary: Kids try to help the less fortunate people get food.

The book seems like a very whimsical tale of helping people out. Unfortunately, the cover is the stuff of nightmares! The illustrator did a very crappy job of portraying children. They look like melting candle wax, and the scenery could be a manifestation of an LSD trip. Absolutely pathetic!

 

• Rebellious by Alec Mustafayev Release Date: September 18th, 2018 Genre: Unknown Short Summary: A tale of a rebellious kid and his day to day life. 228 Pages

This cover looks like something straight out of the Amiga CDI! The human portrayed seems like he was designed in Microsoft Paint. In conclusion a horrifically bad art disaster.