Asher’s Guilty Pleasure Songs

This is going to be embarrassing! Hello everyone, and welcome to a very special post. In the past, I have shared many of my favorite songs on Asher’s Jukebox. This is an entirely different beast! I am going to get real personal on this post, and share some of my guilty pleasure song with you. These certain songs don’t have to be widely enjoyed by all, but they are ones that I enjoy for some reason or another. Now, let the cringe begin!

  •  Scream & Shout (November 20th, 2012) by will.i.am and Britney Spears Genre: Dance-pop 

Yes, I actually like a will.i.am song! The “mastermind” behind such hits as “Dirty Bit” and “Boom Boom Pow”. I think this song just works really well with both artists. The beat while repetitive, is extremely catchy, and will be in your head for days. The lyrics are complete crap, though, and you have to deal with Britney calling you a bitch for 4 minutes. 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi9h4Xq5o3bAhVPCKwKHTrHBw4QyCkILDAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DkYtGl1dX5qI&usg=AOvVaw3eK7YKNu1lyVjhlfYKTHuK

 

  • Pena by Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band From The Album (Trout Mask Replica June 16, 1969) Genres: Avant-garde, Blues, Experimental Rock, and Art Rock

Good old Captain Beefheart! This man’s life story is incredibly fascinating, and his music is extremely experimental. This particular album is praised by many, and even the Simpsons creator, Matt Groening, states it as his favorite album of all time. I got introduced to Beefheart after looking up strange footage of a video game called Fast and Bulbous. This track, Pena, is absolutely nuts with screamed vocals, abstract imagery, and the strangest musical composition I’ve ever heard. The instruments appear to be screaming at one another, and the time signatures are completely indecipherable. Well it might not be for everyone, I absolutely adore this piece. If you are a fan of Frank Zappa, you’ll love Captain Beefheart! Posted below is the song, as well as a great documentary on the man himself.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=5&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjDg-OY743bAhXr8YMKHYEtD2kQtwIIODAE&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DnlcZYOENgcQ&usg=AOvVaw2DXXRfJ9xDccmQqGCdKuGF

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiH9_Gk743bAhWs7IMKHX2rDpsQyCkIKzAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DdBa8bS_vZkM&usg=AOvVaw1aif-pbQXPb2-YRl34KMi3

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More Crazy Pokemon Clover Pokedex Entries (Every Other Monday)

NSFW Content Ahead!

Hello fellow Pokemon Trainers! It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some more crazy Pokedex entries. Now, let’s begin!

  • Machmona (The Luchador Pokemon) #070 Ghost/Fighting Type Possible Abilities: Pressure (Removes one additional PP from a foe’s move) or Vital Spirit (Prevents sleep) Gender Split 50/50 Doesn’t evolve Ht: 2’11” Wt: 9.7 lbs. Stats: HP:80, Attack: 110, Defense: 80, Sp. Atk: 50, Sp. Def: 80, Speed: 80 Stat Total: 480 (Decent) Weak to: Flying, Ghost, Psychic, and Fairy. Immune to: Normal and Fighting.  Appearance: The purple ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage Brother!

Entry: Machmona fights with intense focus. It uses its disappearing ability to sneak behind opponents for a surprise punch!

machmmona

 

  • Motherfuck (The Annoyance Pokemon) #209 Based off of the most annoying Pokemon. Ground/Flying Type Gender Split: 50/50 Ability: Shadow Tag (Prevents foes from escaping) Ht: 4’07” Wt: 234.8 lbs. Doesn’t Evolve Stats: HP: 55, Attack: 95, Defense: 115, Sp. Atk: 45, Sp. Def: 100, Speed: 90 Stat Total: 500 (Highest based Defense stat total of all Flying type Pokemon) Immune to: Electric and Ground. Weak to Water Appearance: A fusion of Graveler, Tentacruel, and Golbat

Entry: It finds great joy in torturing other Pokemon, even if it faints in the process.

motherfuck

Crazy Pokemon Clover Pokedex Entries (Every Other Monday)

NSFW Content Ahead!

Hello fellow Pokemon trainers! It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some crazy Pokedex entries. Now, let’s begin!

  • Ogrelord (The ALL OGRE Pokemon) #123 Pure Dark Type Based off of: Shrek and his Memes. Ability: Sturdy (Can retain one hit that would faint it) or Victory Star (Increases accuracy of all moves by 10%) Gender Ratio: 87.5% Male/ 12.5% Female Doesn’t evolve, but is the counterpart of Chantruth. Ht: 6’11” Wt: 953.1 lbs Stats: HP: 100 Attack: 130 Defense: 80 Sp. Atk: 65 Sp. Def: 81 Speed: 70 Base Stat Total: 526 (Pretty Good) Weak to Bug, Fighting, and Fairy Appearance: A spherical ogre with green skin and red spines.

Entry: Ogrelord is VERY protective of its swamp and will attack trespassers brutally. It cultivates its own onions. (It’s cry is GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!)

ogrelord

  • Baddon (The Dildo Pokemon) #147 Pure Dragon Type (Legendary) Based off of: A box of dragon dildos. Ability: Rough Skin (Hurts those who make physical contact with it) or Infiltrator (Ignores the effects of barriers) Gender: Male only Doesn’t evolve Ht: 2’04” Wt: 110.2 lbs Stats: HP: 73 Attack: 136 Defense: 148 Sp. Atk: 121 Sp. Def: 112 Speed: 50 Base Stat Total:640 (The highest base stat total of all Dragon types and the highest Defense and Special Defense of all Dragon types) Appearance: A peach-colored box with a red, purple, and green dragon-shaped dildo in it. Weak to Ice, Dragon, and Fairy.

Entry: In old times, Baddon were used as tools of war. They penetrated enemy forts with powerful thrusts. They were since hidden.

baddon.jpg

 

  • Sesquatch (The Ses Pokemon) #368 Normal and Ghost type Based off of: Sasquatch and the “Suddenly ses” meme. Ability: Mummy (Changes target’s ability to Mummy with physical contact) Gender Ratio: 50% Male/ 50% Female Doesn’t evolve Ht: 7’10” Wt: 176.4 lbs Stats: HP: 95 Attack: 90 Defense: 105 Sp. Atk: 55 Sp. Def: 95 Speed: 70 Base Stat Total: 510 (Good plus awesome typing) Appearance: A sasquatch-like creature with brown and white fur, sharp teeth, and a long nose. Immune to Ghost, Normal, and Fighting types. Weak to Dark.

Entry: Legends tell of a man that went into the forest to hunt this creature. He became distracted by a strange scent, when suddenly, [spoiler]ses [/spoiler] (Its cry is a demonic “ses” sound)

ses.jpg   

Even More Creepy Pokedex Entries (Every Other Wednesday)

Hello fellow Pokemon Trainers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some more scary entries. Now, let’s begin!

  • Cofagrigus (The Coffin Pokemon) Ghost Type Ability: Mummy Evolves from Yamask at level 34 Ht: 5’07” Wt: 168.7 lbs 

Pokemon X Pokedex entry: It has been said that they swallow those who get too close and turn them into mummies. They like to eat gold nuggets. (O_O!)

cofagrigus

  • Palossand (The Sand Castle Pokemon) Ground and Ghost type Ability: Sand Veil or Water Compaction Evolves from Sandygast at level 42 Ht: 4’03” Wt: 551.2 lbs

Pokemon Sun Pokedex Entry: Each of its grains of sand has its own will. Palossand eats small Pokemon and siphons away their vital essence while they’re still alive. (What a way to go!)

palo

Asher’s Game Reviews (One Every Two Months)

This post discusses some pretty controversial subject matter. You have been warned!

The Binding of Isaac+the various expansions Creators: Edmund McMillen, Nicalis, Tyrone Rodriguez, Florian Himsl (Only for the initial Flash versions) Music: Danny Baranowsky (For the Flash game) Matthias Bossi and Jon Evans (For Rebirth and Afterbirth), Mudeth (For Antibirth)  Release Dates: Vanilla Isaac (September 28, 2011) Wrath of the Lamb (May 28, 2012) Rebirth (November 4, 2014) Afterbirth (October 30, 2015) Antibirth (December 23, 2016) Afterbirth+ (March 17, 2017) Genres: Roguelike, dungeon crawler Platforms: PC, 3DS, Switch, Xbox One, PS4, IOS, Wii U, Linux, PS Vita, Mac OS  ESRB Rating: M for Blood and gore, Violence, and Crude humor

This is one of my absolute favorite video games, and I have been following it since its Newgrounds demo in 2011. I was always a fan of McMillen’s work, and this project was no exception. It was originally made in Flash, but the speed of the engine was quite slow, and the frame rate often glitched up. During Rebirth, the product was completely remodeled, and the game moved at a much faster rate. A year later, a new expansion called Afterbirth was created. During the wait for the latest expansion, the community made an exceptional add on known as Antibirth. The last expansion made was Afterbirth +, and this allowed people to mod the game by creating new items, characters, bosses, and floors.  The game tells the story of Issac, a bald child that lives with his extremely religious mother. One day, Issac’s mother hears the voice of God, which tells her to sacrifice her son. Upon hearing this, Issac rushes to his room and quickly locks the door. He then finds a trapdoor hidden under his rug, and the game begins. You travel through various worlds, fighting monsters, collecting items, defeating bosses, and eventually facing your own mother. In the PC version, Isaac moves around with the WASD keys, and fires tears with the arrow keys. These tears are Isaac’s main form of attack, and can be changed around with the astronomical number of items in the game. You always start the run in the Basement or Cellar, which is comprised of two floors. You also have a money counter, bomb counter, and key counter, which max out at 99. Upon pausing the game, can see your stats, which are divided into health, damage, tear rate, range, shot speed, speed, and luck. Each of the 14 characters have different stats, and these either make the game harder or easier.  The floors contain various enemies, secret rooms, libraries, bedrooms, I Am Error rooms, sacrifice rooms, boss battles, item rooms, shops, arcades, and devil or angel rooms depending on your game style. You start at zero percent of both angel and devil, and depending on what you pick up, increasing or decreases it. You boost the devil chances by literally selling your hearts for power, collecting satanic items, like a pentagram, going into curse rooms, and blowing up beggars. Angel deals are more defensive in nature, however some of the best items appear here. While they’re rarer than devil deals, they can be picked up without any life cost. The items can be categorized into two different categories, Active and Passive. Active items take up a spot above your character, and can be used at different times depending on the recharge time. Passive items are permanent increasing or decreasing items, which can grant Isaac new tears and cosmetic changes. Some of these items can be extremely unsettling, like Proptosis, which causes Isaac’s eyes to bulge and fire large, rapidly shrinking tears. Trinkets, Runes, Tarot Cards, Playing Cards, and Pills also play a major role in the game. These are all, with an exception of trinkets, single use items that have a variety of useful and horrific effects. The trinkets are collectables that contain passive bonuses, and you can usually only have one of these at a time. The main appeal of Isaac, is that every run is randomized, which can lead to incredible game-breaking item synergies and completely different playing styles. I have had many amazing and chaotic runs due to this feature, and it is always exhilarating to see what the RNG has out for you. Now, the game does have permadeath, which means if you die, you can’t continue the run. The game has a steep difficulty curve, especially with some of the characters. (This means “you” The Lost!) However, if you can look past this, you will find out why I love it so much. I also can’t go on without discussing the soundtrack. The original game’s music was composed by the amazing Danny Baranowsky, who also did music for Super Meat Boy. The pieces are extremely well written, and invoke a multitude of emotions for the different parts of the game. Bossi and Evans composed the Rebirth and Afterbirth soundtracks, which are also fantastic. Then, we get to Mudeth’s Antibirth soundtrack, and my god, this is 100% ear candy. From the super catchy basement theme, to the dark and theremin-heavy womb theme, this is my all time favorite music in Issac. I highly recommend this game to Roguelike enthusiasts, and fans of the first Legend of Zelda, but be warned, many of the items and subject matter is very disturbing and sacrilegious. If you can look past this, you’re in for a hell of a good time!

Final Rating: 10/10 (Absolutely Incredible!)

Here’s a link to the womb theme, it’s fantastic!

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjmj8Pz7vvZAhXIyoMKHWlTCooQtwIIKTAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DFGWkTYMdt8Y&usg=AOvVaw3kztuHJqcE1rF5wfEejWJ_

Creepy Pokedex Entries (Every Other Wednesday)

Hello fellow Pokemon trainers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some more creepy entires. Now, let’s begin!

  • Primape aka the most pissed off creature in existence!

Pokemon Sun Pokedex Entry: It will never forgive opponents who have angered it. Even after it has beaten them down until they can’t move, it never EVER forgives. (Jeez, take a chill pil—–*gets punched in the face*) 

primape.jpg

  • Ferrothorn aka Death by spikes!

Pokemon X Pokedex Entry: By swinging around its three spiky feelers and shooting spikes, it can OBLITERATE an opponent. (Not destroy, OBLITERATE!)

ferro funny

Strange and Dangerous Plants (Every Other Tuesday)

Hello fellow Botanists, and welcome to a blast from the past! I have decided to bring back an interesting topic on dangerous and beneficial plants. Botany has always interested me, and I love the different defenses of plants. Now, let’s begin our journey into the unknown!

  • Yerba mate (Ilex paraguariensis) Size: Tree 49 ft Leaves 2-4 in Habitat: South America Edible 

Yerba mate is a fantastic plant that can be found all over South America. The plant is very versatile, and has many benefits. It contains caffeine, theophylline, and theobromine. It also can be made into a delicious tea that can satisfy ones caffeine craving, as well as boosting ones mood and mental energy. I actually prefer the tea over coffee, and it has a very refined taste. If you ever find one of these bottles in a supermarket, I highly recommend that you pick it up.

yerba mate  

  • Sandbox Tree (Hura crepitans) Size: Tree: Up to 195 ft Leaves: 2 ft and up Edible Parts: Sap (But only if prepared correctly!) Dangerous Parts: Fruit, bark, and leaves are poisonous 

The Sandbox Tree is a very dangerous tree that can be found in the tropical regions of South America. The tree is very tall and covered in sharp thorns. It houses strange, pumpkin-like fruit that combust ferociously when ripe. Upon explosion, the fruit sends its seeds everywhere at speeds of up to 160 miles per hour! This is how this plant got its other name, the dynamite tree. Contact with the tree’s leaves, fruit, or bark can result in a variety of unpleasant ailments. If the seeds are ingested, serious stomach cramps, diarrhea, temporary vision loss, increased heartbeat, and vomiting will soon occur. Dermatitis can also occur if the skin is exposed to the sap for a short period of time. Lumberjacks who deal with these trees must wear masks and eye protection.    Despite the bad effects of the plant, some parts, such as the sap, can be used to treat decaying teeth, intestinal worms, leprosy, and rheumatism. The sap is even used in the United States when manufacturing tear gas shells! (What a strange, yet fascinating plant!)

sandbox tree