Asher’s Pub (Thursdays)

Hello fellow Cicerones! It’s Thursday, and my Pub is open once again! I hope you guys are ready for some awesome drinks. Now, let me fix you up something special!

  • Cactus Cola Cocktail 

Ingredients

  • 1 oz Parfait Amour® orange liqueur
  • 1 dash lime juice
  • 5 oz cola

Directions: Pour all ingredients over ice cubes in a highball glass. Stir well, and serve.

cactus coktail

 

  • Pineapple Fizz Cocktail

Ingredients

  • 2 oz light rum
  • 6-8 oz club soda
  • 1 oz pineapple juice
  • 1/2 tsp powdered sugar

Directions: Shake everything except the soda with ice; strain into a highball glass. Fill with the soda.

pine

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More Fascinating SCPS (Every Other Wednesday)

Hello fellow researchers! It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at our newest anomalies. Now, grab your Class S protective equipment, and let’s begin our analysis!

  • SCP-229 The Wire Weed Object Class: Euclid  Description: SCP-229 appears to be a mass of wires and cables. Superficially, they appear to be raw copper wire, insulated Ethernet cable, phone cable, power lines, and many other forms of electrical cable. The current mass weighs 94 kg at last measurement. 

SCP-229 is tentatively identified as a form of silicon-based life. SCP-229 is a highly invasive parasite, attacking anything carrying even a low electrical current. SCP-229 will grow several centimeters every hour, and form connectors to attach to electrical power sources (wall socket plugs, USB connectors, etc.). SCP-229 will also splice itself into power lines and existing wires if no connection is available. SCP-229 appears to “feed” off electricity.  

SCP-229 appears to go dormant when not in the presence of an electrical source. Any electrical current within thirty meters, no matter how small, will immediately cause SCP-229 to “grow” in the direction of the electricity  Questions regarding the possible intelligence and sensory organs of SCP-229 are still under investigation.

SCP-229 appears to “grow” best on metal or plastic, but is very capable of infesting living tissue. In vertebrate animals, SCP-229 will quickly penetrate the epidermis and other tissues, attaching to and enveloping the spine. SCP-229 will then grow along nerve pathways and up into the brain, attaching it and infesting it within a few days. This process appears to be extremely painful, and can cause very erratic  behavior. When the infested subject nears death, usually from massive internal bleeding and brain damage, SCP-229 will exit the body by puncturing through the skin and attaching to any nearby structures, thus beginning the cycle again.

It is theorized that SCP-229 has always been present in our ecosystem, but that the technological level, and thereby the availability of electricity was insufficient to allow its spread. With the current prevalence of wires and other electrical devices, detection can be extremely difficult. Incineration is the best means for SCP-229 removal.

scp229

Crazy Pokemon Clover Pokedex Entries (Every Monday In June)

NSFW Content Ahead!

Hello fellow Pokemon Trainers! It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time for us to take a look at some more crazy entries. Now, let’s begin!

  • Moostatic (The Lightbulb Pokemon) #073 Pure Electric Type  Possible Abilities: Static (30% chance of paralyzing on physical contact) or Lightning Rod ( Draws in electrical moves) Name Origin: Moose+Static Evolves into Mooshock at Level 28  Ht: 2’00” Wt: 43.0 lbs Gender Ratio: 50% male/ 50% female Base Stats: HP: 70, Attack: 60, Defense: 40, Sp. Atk: 50, Sp. Def: 40, Speed: 50 Stat Total: 310 (Not very good, but doesn’t have a lot of weaknesses) Appearance: A cow with  lightbulbs in its head. Weak only to Ground.

Entry: Moostatic illuminate fields at night, while running freely. Drinking its milk will make your spit sparkly.

moo.jpg

 

  • Hornititan (The Horny Pokemon) #346 Ice/Ground Type Possible Abilities: Refrigerate (Normal-type moves become Ice-type) or Filter (Weakens “Super Effective” moves) Ht: 7’10” Wt: 552.3 lbs Gender Ratio: 25% male/ 75% female Name Origin: Horny+titan. The final form of Hornigiri and evolves from Hornicier at Level 43   Base Stats: HP: 90, Attack: 115, Defense: 130, Sp. Atk: 45, Sp. Def: 100, Speed: 55 Stat Total: 535 (Highest base Defense of all Ice and Ground types) Appearance: A snowman-like creature with heavy armor and a perverted face. Weak to Fighting, Steel, Water, Fire, and Grass. Immune to Electric.

Entry: It releases pheromones to attract enemies for violent orgies. They’re infamous for getting down and dirty. (Its cry is an Anime chick being fucked!)

hornititan    

Crazy Urban Dictionary Entries (Saturdays)

Hello everyone, and welcome to a brand new series of posts! Urban Dictionary is a fantastic website that houses some of the craziest entries on the internet. This ranges from actual definitions to slang terms. Each Saturday, I will be posting some of the entries I get from pressing the “Random Words” button. Be warned! Some of these entries are extremely NSFW!

  • Skurt (verb): To leave, bounce, or go away. Ex: This place is flat, I’m about to skurt.

 

  • Trumpism (Medical Disorder): Trumpism is a nearly incurable disorder when a Trump supporter blames everything else when someone criticizes Donald Trump. Here’s a humorous example.

Sane person: Donald Trump is a narcissist.

Trump supporter: Nobody is doing anything about the Martian invasion!

Sane person: How is that even relevant?

Trump supporter: I haven’t talked yet about how much money was wasted on fighting global warming.

Sane person: I hope Trumpism is curable.

 

 

Asher’s Pub (Thursdays)

Hello fellow Cicerones! It’s Thursday, and my Pub is open once again! I hope you guys are ready for some awesome drinks. Now, let me fix you up something special!

  • Frozen Apple Cocktail

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 oz Applejack® brandy
  • 1 tbsp lime juice
  • 1 tsp sugar
  • 1/2 egg white

Directions: Blend all ingredients with 1 cup crushed ice in an electric blender at low speed for a short length of time. Pour into an old-fashioned glass and serve.

frozen apple

 

  • Platinum Bullet Alcoholic Shot

Ingredients

  • 1 oz vodka
  • 1 oz peppermint schnapps

Directions: Shake the ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a shot glass. Use green peppermint schnapps.

silver

More Crazy Pokemon Clover Pokedex Entries (Every Monday In June)

Hello fellow Pokemon Trainers! It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Yes, it’s time to take a look at some more crazy entries. Now, let’s begin!

  •  Pasdawg (The Bulldog Pokemon) #054 Normal/Steel Type Abilities: Sand Veil (Increases evasion in a sandstorm) or Intimidate (Lowers the foe’s attack when it enters battle) Evolves from Masdawg at Level 35 Gender Ratio: 50% Male and Female Ht: 4’07” Wt: 140.2 lbs Name Origin: Paws+Dog Stats: HP: 112 Attack: 90 Defense: 105 Sp. Atk: 55 Sp. Def: 85 Speed: 60 Stat Total: 507 (It has the highest HP of all non-legendary Steel-type Pokemon) Immune to Ghost and Poison. Weak to Fighting, Ground, and Fire. Appearance: A bulldog in armor.

Entry: Pawsdawg are strong and are used as guards for important things. Its powerful jaw can bite through steel. (It’s cry is a slowed down version of its first evolution)

pasdawg  

 

  • Baloofang (The Dangerous Pokemon) #287 Pure Ghost Type Abilities: Air Lock (Negates weather effects) or Aftermath (Damages the foe after fainting) Name Origin: Balloon+Fang Gender Ratio: 50% Male/ 50% Female Ht: 4’11” Wt: 19.8 lbs Stats: HP: 100 Attack: 61 Defense: 85 Sp.Atk: 80 Sp. Def: 105 Speed: 64 Stat Total: 495 (Good Defense and Special Defense) Appearance: An evil balloon with pointy horns and one eye. Immune to Normal and Fighting. Weak to Ghost and Dark. 

Entry: Despite the fact that they are somewhat weak, they have been the cause of great calamities throughout history.

balloo.png

Asher’s Video Game Reviews (Every Other Month)

Hello fellow Gamers! It’s time for my Bimonthly video game review! This particular game has been a favorite of mine for quite a while. Now, let’s begin our bloody journey into the world of Hotline Miami!

Hotline Miami Release Date: October 23, 2012 for Windows and Mac Rating: M for intense violence, strong language, drug use, gore, and sexual content. Published by Devolver Digital, Developed by Dennaton Games, Designed by Jonatan Soderstrom and Dennis Wedin, Programmed by Jonatan Soderstrom, Artist: Dennis Wedin, Written by Jonatan Soderstrom and Dennis Wedin, Music by Sun Araw, M|O|O|N, Perturbator, Jasper Byrne, Scattle, Elliott Berlin, Eirik Suhrke, CoConuts, El Huervo, and Shelby Cinca. Genre: Top-down shooter   

Hotline Miami is an ultraviolent Top-down shooter that takes place in the late 80’s. The story starts with our main character, Jacket, meeting with three unknown figures in animal masks. The rooster and horse mask appear to know who he is, while the owl masked figure responds with hostility. We then move to Jacket in his apartment when the phone rings. The call tells him to “take care” of something downtown. He also gets a box with a rooster mask inside. He leaves in his awesome DeLorean-like car, and the game begins. Jacket starts out with only one mask, however he collects many more as the story progresses. The gameplay is in the style of a Top-down shooter, with Jacket facing numerous thugs and Russian mobsters. The enemies can be killed in various ways, ranging from knives to Uzis. Keep in mind, however, that you’re only human, and one hit from anything will kill you. Fortunately, the game has unlimited continues, and will actually reward you for playing recklessly. The violence is quite extreme, and even though it’s from a top-down perspective, you see every blow in visceral detail. The game is enhanced even further with one of the most amazing soundtracks. The songs go perfectly with whatever is going on in any situation, and it creates some great immersive gameplay. The game was met with critical praise, and a sequel was made three years later. I highly recommend this game to people who love a gristly crime story and fast, action-packed gameplay.

Final Rating: 9.00/10 (Close to perfection)